REMEMBER!! CONSPIRACY AND COORDINATION GOES HAND-IN-HAND

The Party

It was a cool and lovely night. Five college students, although knowing full well the next day they have an important test, decided to relax and party. They drank and fooled around till late into the night. As a result, they were unprepared to take the test which was scheduled in the morning. One of them then came up with a bright idea to get the test deferred.

The Bright Idea

They conspired to get dirtied by rubbing themselves with grease and dirt. Looking exhausted and haggard, they walked up to the Dean and told him that they had gone to a wedding the day before and had a flat on the way back. Since they used the back roads on their return journey, they had to push their car for almost 20 kilometres. They were, therefore, in no condition to take the test. The Dean listened sympathetically and agreed they could sit for the test in two days. The five conspirators thanked him profusely and said they would be ready by then.

D-Day

On the second day the conspirators trooped to the Dean’s room ready to take the test. The Dean was already waiting for them. The Dean remarked that since this was a special test, all five were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test. The conspirators looked nonplus and quizzically at each other. Nevertheless they were confident because they had prepared well with the time bought the last two days.

.

.

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The Test

This Test Paper consists of only 2 questions with a total of 100 Marks.

Q1. Name of the car with the flat?

.......... .......... ......... (2 MARKS)

Q2. Which tyre burst?

a) Front Left 

b) Front Right

c) Back Left 

d) Back Right (98 MARKS)

MATHEMATICS….UGH!

Mathematics…ugh! Just reading this word will solicit a shudder and grimace on our faces.  Quadratic equations, trigonometry, calculus, algebra, statistics, Pythagoras Theorem…the list goes on and on.  It still brings back spine-chilling and scary memories for many of us when re-living those days as fifth-formers. We needed to struggle in cold sweat through these strange mathematical theories in order to pass our examinations.

Maths made more sense as we grew older as only then we would begin to appreciate its usefulness and its place in our lives.  As students, we did not seem to have an affinity and love for maths.  Although teachers of the 1960s, 1970s and the 1980s were an extremely dedicated bunch, somehow this subject still seemed to bewilder and was an enigma.  Could it be that we had teachers who were unable to devise and craft the beauty of numbers when the school system was being used as a production line to produce as many achievers as possible?  Whatever the reasons, most of us never appreciated the science of numbers.  It was just another school subject to pass in order to get our certificates.

Just imagine, without mathematics mankind would not have the technology to land on the moon.  Neither would we have all the gadgets so ubiquitous present in our lives today i.e. from all our personal computers and mobile phones devices to the internet.  All of mankind’s technological progress is built on the science of mathematics.

Take some time and ponder for a moment to marvel and be dazzled by the beauty and symmetry of mathematics being splendidly demonstrated here.

1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321

1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111= 12345678987654321

1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111

9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888

THE EXTRA MILE…..

It has been quite some time since we were near the ocean, so we decided to holiday in Krabi, Thailand. We wanted a not too far-away exotic destination with some sun, fresh sea air, the feel of beach sand on our feet and most importantly, good food. Food that is different from the normal fare we get every day such as ‘nasi lemak’ , ‘fried kuei teow’, ‘yong tau foo’ etc .

As usual, we booked our budget airline and hotels early to get the “early bird” discounts. When we arrived at our hotel we clambered up to our room and the first thing we did, after dumping the bags on the racks and table, was to go to the bathroom. Needing hand and bath towels, we found none in the bathroom being the expected place to look for them. The first thought was that hotel maid had forgotten to place the towels in the room for us. I was just about to walk to the telephone to call up housekeeping when my wife called my attention to the two statuesque elephants placed on the bed. She remarked “Hey, that’s our bath towels!” Take a look at the pictures at what we found.....(neat eh!?)

We stayed for three nights. Each day we got a different theme in the origami of our bath towels.

Having travelled and stayed in numerous hotels, motels and even YMCA/YWCA in many parts of the world, we have yet to come across or experience the extra effort and dedication this Thai hotel goes to welcoming its guests. An unpretentious gesture but very well appreciated and uniquely different from just providing a fruit or flower basket!

A simple act to go the extra mile says a lot about the hotel or, for that matter, any organization. By going the extra mile to look into the fine details to provide novelty and aesthetic appeal, it generates a positive impression and perception which, in a business sense, would enhance its value. Sceptics may see it as “it’s just business”.

However, for the many of us, simpletons, we are fascinated and amazed. It amuses and brings forth our smiles and reminds us we are here on holiday to relax and unwind. We see the act as exhibiting and displaying the dedication and pride of the organization. We do not know about others but after having stayed in so many hotels, we are very much appreciative of the extra effort and the extra mile put in to enhance the pleasantness of our stay no matter how simple and small the effort is.

A Response To Outsmart A Lawyer

This policeman was being cross-examined by a defence attorney during a felony trial.

The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's credibility... 

Q:  'Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?' 

A:   'No sir.  But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'

Q:   'Officer -- who provided this description?' 

A:   'The officer who responded to the scene.'

Q:   'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender.  Do you trust your fellow officers?' 

A:   'Yes, sir.  With my life.'

Q:   'With your life?  Let me ask you this then officer.  Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'

A:   'Yes sir, we do!'

Q:   'And do you have a locker in the room?' 

A:   'Yes sir, I do.'

Q:   'And do you have a lock on your locker?'

A:   'Yes sir.'

Q:   'Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?' 

A:   'You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'

The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called.

The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line.

THE SHREDDER

The other day, someone sent this picture to my email.  When I saw it, I was tickled pink.  A flood of memories flashed through my head during my own days as a senior manager in the corporate world.  There was a jumble of feelings of intrigue and amusement.  My secretary and support staff took care of all my needs to operate any office equipment to the extent that I do not even know where some of them are located!  Do not talk about operating the equipment.  The question of even touching them does not arise.

How pathetic the senior people are in the office!  Interestingly, these are people with strings of degrees and MBAs but when confronted with a machine they are totally baffled!  Most senior managers are so dependent on their support staff and/or secretaries that without them they are so very lost.  This picture, though may have slightly exaggerated a real life situation, aptly reflects some of the beguiling and the lighter moments of working in an office environment.

You "Gotta" Love Those Barristers (4)

ATTORNEY:    Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS:        Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY:    The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS:       He's 20, much like your IQ.

ATTORNEY:    Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS:        Are you shitting me?

ATTORNEY:    How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS:       By death.
ATTORNEY:     And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS:     Take a guess.

DREAMS & DREAMERS, DARE TO DREAM!

If you dare to dream, the world is yours.  As the famous motto of the Special Forces unit, SAS, declares so brazenly and boldly “WHO DARES WINS!”

What are DREAMS?  What happens when we DREAM?
DREAMS make us human and give meaning to our lives.
DREAMS are our vision and hope.
DREAMS give us directions and goals.
DREAMS push us to great heights of achievements.
DREAMS give us aspirations to walk the extra mile and take us airborne above the clouds.
DREAMS possess the transformation power to uplift and empower us to perform great things.  Things we never, in a lifetime, dream we can do!

At first our DREAMS may seem impossible, over time, then improbable and eventually, after much soul searching, inevitable.  DREAMS are fleeting that comes only once in a lifetime.  When you have a DREAM, you have to grab it and never let go. 

These DREAMS are not the kind of dreams (which can turn to nightmares) that we tend to get when we are in rapid eye movement (REM) sleep.


Who DREAMS?
Every living person has DREAMS.  Big or modest DREAMS, we DREAM!  A poor man is not one who is without a cent, but one who is without a DREAM.  All successful people, men and women, are big DREAMERS. 

They imagine and envision what their future could be, ideal in every respect, and they work doubly hard every day toward their distant vision, that goal or purpose.  They are not afraid of the space between their DREAMS and reality because in their hearts they believe if they can DREAM it, they can make it a so.


The Sacrifice
Most successful DREAMERS are willing to pay the price for their DREAMS.  They are willing to be uncomfortable and inconvenienced.  They are prepared to be comfortable being uncomfortable.  It may get tough, but it is a small price to pay for living a DREAM.  Their credo is “No Pain, No Gain”.  A genius and a DREAMER like Thomas Edison, an American inventor and businessman, who invented the light bulb understands this and commented that “genius is one per cent inspiration (DREAMS) and ninety-nine per cent perspiration”.


The Action Plan
Most successful DREAMERS do not have with their heads in the clouds or in the sand.  To achieve and accomplish great things envisioned in their DREAMS, they focus intensely on their DREAMs as well as plan and act.  Warrant Buffet, recognised to be the world’s most successful businessman investor, studies and plans his forays into the investment market with military thoroughness and precision.


DREAMS That Change Life And The Course Of History
Sometimes DREAMS alter the course of an entire life or even the course of human history.  A string of DREAMERS from the founding fathers of the United States America to Abraham Lincoln and most recently, Martin Luther King JR have exerted a powerful influence with their DREAMS.  Their DREAMS have guided and changed the lives of many and the course of the history of a nation.


Our DREAMS Are Our Future
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their DREAMS.  Mankind would not have been able to fly or walked on the moon if not for a DREAM.  Neither would mankind possess the power of personal computers and the ubiquitous and liberating nature of the internet if not for a DREAM.  Our progress and future, then, would have been very different.

We can go on and on to list what mankind has achieved and will achieve when they DARE TO DREAM and declare “I HAVE A DREAM…..”


An Inspiring Speech That Changed The Course Of History Not Just For A Minority Race But Also For A Nation
Martin Luther King Jr.                  
I HAVE A DREAM…..

“I say to you today, my friends, that in spite of the difficulties and frustrations of the moment, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at a table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a desert state, sweltering with the heat of injustice and oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the colour of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day the state of Alabama, whose governor's lips are presently dripping with the words of interposition and nullification, will be transformed into a situation where little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls and walk together as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.”

You "Gotta" Love Those Barristers (3)

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

REMEDIES & CURES FROM THE WWW, READ WITH EXTREME CAUTION!

A few days ago, my sister emailed one of those articles on remedies and cures one finds proliferating on the web.  This one talks about using flour as a remedy for burns caused by hot boiling water or somehow you got burnt by a fire.

It also relates a testimony by the writer who got scalded on the hand by hot boiling water.  He inserted his hand into a bag of flour for ten minutes and voila!  No pain and no blisters!  He further attested that once he burnt his tongue and he put flour on it for ten minutes and as expected, no pain, no blisters.

The writer’s friend, a Vietnam Vet, who introduced him to this remedy, told him how he discovers using flour in for burns.  This happened in Vietnam.  One day, a guy accidentally set himself on fire and his friends in a panic threw a bag of flour all over his burning body.  It not only put out the fire but also the person did not get burnt!

Although I have not personally tried using flour as a remedy and cure, this story sounds not only unbelievable and farfetched but practically impossible.

I wrote a reply to my sister.

DO NOT BELIEVE WHAT YOU READ OR SEE ON THE WEB UNTIL YOU     HAVE VERIFIED ITS AUTHENCITY.

There are lots of information and disinformation out there in the www.  Lots of genuine stuff and truths, yes, but also there are tons of half-truths and outright lies.  Always see and read with discernment and wisdom.  Why do people have so much time on their hands to write these half-truths and lies?  Who can fathom the bizarre, demented and eccentric minds of these lunatics?!


WELL-TESTED AND EFFECTIVE REMEDIES & CURES FOR BURNS & CUTS AND IT IS FREE TOO!

Flour is food.  Why waste flour in these times of food shortage????  Keep a pot or several pots of Aloe Vera plants in your garden.  They grow quite easily in our tropical climate without much attention required.

If you get a cut or burn on your skin, just cut a few stalks.  Wash the stalks and cut the skin to squeeze out the gel-like juice or put the stalks in the blender to get the juice.  Apply on the affected part of the skin.  It will provide relief almost immediately as well as cause the wound to heal very much faster.  If it is a cut, it will stop the bleeding within a short period of time.

There are many research articles written on Aloe Vera and its benefits on the web.  I would not like to go into the scientific and other technical aspects of Aloe Vera here.  If you wish to know more just do a Google search or go to Wikipedia.  My purpose is to let you know some of the benefits from my own personal experience.

KEEP AN OPEN MIND – TRADITIONAL AND HERBAL REMEDIES & CURES CAN BE JUST AS POTENT AND EFFECTIVE!

There are many herbs and plants which are just as effective as modern drugs.  It is just that we have lost touch with a large part of our roots and traditions of which traditional remedies, herbs and medicinal plants are a part of.  As we march forward in modernity, there is a gradual and imperceptible degradation of the knowledge of our forefathers, resulting in every generation losing a little something from the past till it may totally disappear one day.  It is undeniable that some of these remedies and cures are ballyhoo and snake oil but there are many effective ones too that have gone through generations of practical testing.

Furthermore, we have been bombarded by advertisements from drug companies that modern drugs are based on scientific research and years of testing and studies.  An inference, then, that they are more potent and effective than traditional or herbal remedies.  This assertion may be true in some cases but in many others, simple traditional herbal remedies and cures are not only just as effective, they may be cheaper or in some circumstances, are even free.

PEOPLE YOU EMPLOY WILL EITHER MAKE OR BREAK YOUR ORGANISATION…

Since the advent of mobile phones, these days one seems to receive a fair amount of unsolicited calls selling all sorts of stuff from hotel membership to credit cards.  Recently, I received calls from two banks from which I had been their credit card customer.  Both cards I cancelled due to poor customer service.  I relate the conversations that ensue and you be the judge who, if you are the employer, you would employ and be your most valued employee.

Call 1

Telemarketer	Good afternoon, Mr Cheong?
Cheong	Yes…
Telemarketer	I’m calling from HK Bank.  My name is Angela.
Cheong	Yes.  What is it regarding?
Telemarketer	As our Premium Account Holder, we would to offer you our privilege Platinum Credit Card
Cheong	You must be kidding.  I just cancelled your Classic Card about 3   months ago.  Your card service is so bad!  Your customer service is so inefficient.  When I made a complaint, they said they will look into it but even after 3 complaints, nothing got done.
Telemarketer	Mr Cheong, this is different.  It is a privilege card.  We would like to offer you this card.
Cheong	I’ve been your Credit Card Holder for more than 10 years.  Your bank could not even resolve a minor problem and now you want to offer me another card?  It must be a joke!
Telemarketer	Yes, we would still like to offer you this card.
Cheong	I doubt I would like another card from your bank.
Telemarketer	It’s ok, then.  Thank you, sir.

Call 2

Telemarketer	Good afternoon sir.  Are you Mr Cheong?
Cheong	Yes, what is it regarding?
Telemarketer	My name is Ani.  I’m calling from Sity Bank.  We would like to offer you a Sity Bank Platinum Credit Card.  From our records, we noticed that you were once our card holder.
Cheong	I cancelled your card about 6 months ago.  I got fed-up with your bank.  Your customer service is bad.
Telemarketer	What happened, sir?
Cheong	Your bank charged me an insurance premium for insuring the amount in the statement, a service which I did not request for.  I called almost every month when I get the statement.  Your customer service people          promised to resolve the problem but nothing was done.  After the third month I just called to cancel the card.
Telemarketer	I’m sorry to hear about this problem sir but do give us another chance to prove that that was just an isolated incident. Let us offer you this Platinum Card and if our service is again not up to your expectation, I’ll personally help you to cancel it. I’m very sure this would not happen again.
Cheong	I doubt your customer service can improve.  I’ve got more than enough cards.
Telemarketer	Sir, do accept our offer.  This is a Platinum Card and will give you much more benefits and privileges than your previous Classic Card.  We’ll waive the joining fee and also the subscription for the first year.  You’ll not regret it.  I’ll personally resolve any problems you may have.  Just call this number.  We’re sorry for what happened previously.
Cheong	Ok.  I’ll think about it.
	I’ll call you again tomorrow, sir.  Will that be ok? Once again sir, we’re sorry for what happened previously.  Please give us another chance
Telemarketer	Ok.
Cheong	Thank you sir and have a good day.

To the telemarketer of Call 1, she is just doing a job.  She does not try to get the customer to be on her side by displaying empathy for the customer’s previous predicament.  There is no emotion in her selling pitch.  The customer unconsciously feels not only her coldness but also, by extension, that of her employer and responds accordingly. 

This is exactly the opposite in the method employed by the telemarketer of Call 2.  Obviously, it may be wrong for me to call it a “method”.  Based on the balance of probability, the empathy displayed by telemarketer of Call 2 may be genuine as it is not easy to fake an emotion in a fast on-going conversation.  Even though it is done in the course of her selling pitch, the fact that she mentioned she is apologetic over the previous incident would immediately cause an outraged and annoyed customer to balk and cool down.

The second tactic she employed is not to do a hard sell but to suggest that the customer gives another chance to her and by extension also to her employer.  Although it is just a simple phrase, “give us another chance” is an effective approach that appeals to the customer’s sense of choice and control.  This speaks volume of her commitment and of her confidence in her employer.

I need not elaborate further whose card I agreed to try again!

FEAR? FASCINATION?

No words needed to describe this picture.....

POWER OF PRAYER

A RED DRAGONFLY!

Have you been in touch with nature lately? As urbanites, the common living creatures we often have the pleasure of meeting are those we classify as pests. Rats, cockroaches, house lizards and garden pests such as ants and bees. It is therefore very thrilling to be able to see some creatures we seldom have the privilege to come into contact with in an urban environment.

When was the last time you saw a dragonfly in your garden? And have you ever in your life seen a RED dragonfly? I have climbed hills, gone hiking and camping all over the country and have come across all species of creepy crawlies. Yet, the surprise is, this is the first time I have come across a RED dragonfly, and, in my garden at that! I quickly grabbed my camera and these are the photographs of a RED dragonfly taken on Thursday, 21 July 2011, Shah Alam.

THE COLOUR, BLACK

Colour plays a very important role in our lives.  It has great influence and plays with our moods and feelings.  It has tremendous power over our perception of things and how we view the world.  Even our language has used colour to drive home a point or use colour to give a graphic description or emphasis.  Colour affects emotions and plays a big part how people behave and perceive the world.  Generally, colour and its effects cuts across race and culture.

The colour, black, invoke in many of us, especially those who are a generation older than us, a sense of uneasiness and a feeling of foreboding.  We wear black when someone dies.  Black projects and portrays ominous and portentous situations.  When we see black clouds we know a storm is approaching.  It has grim and sinister connotations and this is reflected in how we use the word “black” in idioms to express the negatives in our relationship with the world.  When a black cat crosses our paths we feel a sense of dread.

Milton Friedman, the renowned economist who won the Nobel Prize for Economics postulates that the black market was a way of getting around government controls. It was a way of enabling the free market to work. It was a way of opening up, enabling (empowering) people.

My neighbour has three children.  All, except youngest one, are professionals of high standing in society.  The black sheep of the family values life as a vagabond without the restrictions of being part of the system society imposes.

William Tan, a close friend of mine, took a flight to London with the intention to seek employment without a work visa.  Upon arrival, he was stopped and denied entry at the immigration control counter.  He was kept in a holding area for deportation.  He has been put on a black list and his passport was stamped “BLI” or “Black Listed Immigrant”.

Terence Ng is the Marketing Director for a multi-national company the past ten years.  He worked hard to reach his position.  However, he has a dark secret.  For the past five years he has been receiving kickbacks for some large contracts.  Unfortunately, a colleague has discovered his little secret and has started to blackmail him for a cut of the ill-gotten gain.

Cinderella ran from the house as the wicked and black-hearted witch started to invoke her spells.  In her haste, she lost a shoe without realising it.

Kim is a political satirist and has a knack for seeing through the wiles of dishonest and self-interest politicians.  She used her god given talent to inject some black humour in her caricatures of these high profile politicians.

Tim and his good friend, David loves the outdoors during summer.  Both, at twelve are precocious youngsters who like the rough and tumble games of football and rugby.  After a game, they would come home laughing though suffering black and blue over most of their bodies.

There was an explosion at the power plant supplying electricity to Ipoh City.  As a result, the city experienced a total black-out since two days ago.  The engineers are still trying to fix the problem.

“LITTLE NAPOLEONS”

If you know your history you will know who Napoleon is and why he is iconic in the type of behaviour he has been ascribed and so famous for.

The phrase “Little Napoleons” are frequently used to describe pompous, pretentious and puff-up public officials, who, after being conferred with some delegated power, proceed to take upon themselves to flex their authority and power when carrying out their public duties.

The Little Napoleon and The Grizzly Old Farmer

An inspector from the Ministry of Agriculture pulled up along the road next to the grizzly old farmer’s farm house.  With a look of self-importance and arrogance he flashed his authority card and told the old farmer that he needed to inspect his farm.

The old farmer, pointing towards a field adjacent to his farm house, said, “Ok, but don’t go into that field surrounded by fences painted in red.”

The official, with a disdain stare, replied haughtily, “I have been given the power and the authority by the Government to go and inspect wherever I wish.”

Without saying another word, the old farmer went about his daily chores.

Before long, he heard loud screams and shrieks coming from the direction where he had specifically told the official not to go.  He looked up and saw the man was running and panting furiously towards the fence with the old farmer’s prized bull inches away.  The snorting bull was madder than a disturbed nest of killer bees.   With four legs running at full throttle, the bull is gaining fast on the official for every step taken by him.

Chuckling, the old farmer shouted, “Quick, quick, show him your authority card…”

(A humorous tale that many of us can relate to in our dealings with public officials but in real life endings are seldom happy or humorous.)

“IT AIN’T OVER TILL THE FAT LADY SINGS”

Occasionally, someone blurts out the colloquial expression “It ain’t over till the fat lady sings”or “It isn’t over till the fat lady sings”.  How many have heard of the phrase and wonder what it means.  It is a commonly used expression to denote that an event is not over till the occurrence of another event.

Who is the fat lady?  No one really knows.

How did this phrase come about?  The origin is fuzzy and can only be inferred.  Three unrelated areas seem to have caused the birth of this phrase, German Opera, American Sports and Churches in the Southern States.

The musical opera connection lies in the overly long four-opera Ring Cycle performance of Richard’s Wagner Götterdämmerung which can drag upwards of fourteen hours.  Near the end of the opera performance a well-endowed lady would appear during the last ten minutes to conclude the performance.  The off quoted answer to the frequent question – when will it end? – comes the tired answer of “till the fat lady sings”.

The American side of the connection to this expression comes from a writer and sports commentator who said “the opera ain’t over till the fat lady sings” in a commentary of a televised basketball game in1978.

In the Southern States of the US, “it ain’t over till the fat lady sings the blues” and also “church ain’t out till the fat lady sings” have been reported, the latter recorded in the book “Southern Words and Sayings” in 1976.

Wherever it started or by who seems unimportant, as this expression enriches and adds flavour in our usage of the English Language.

You "Gotta" Love Those Barristers (2)

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None
Q: Were there any girls?


Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

THE REAL WORLD

Some things schools, colleges and universities do not teach our pre-teens, teens and teens in transition to adulthood….

1.    Life is not fair.  It is a fact!  Get used to it.  Not all of us are born equal.  Don’t be discouraged though, nature is a great equaliser.  The ‘Law of Compensation’ applies.  If a person is blind, nature compensates with a keen sense of hearing and smell.  If you are not academically inclined, you would be blessed with a good pair of hands or the gift of the gab.

2.    If you think going to school and university is tough and boring, working life is not a cup of tea as you may imagine, especially when you do not have a diploma or a degree.  When you screw up, your boss will come down on you like a ton of bricks!  Your pride and self-esteem will take a hit and get dented.

3.    It is a rough-and-tumble world out there.  It does not owe you a living.  It does not care or bother how you feel.   An inflated self-esteem and ego will get deflated soon enough.

4.    Dream of making $50,000 a year immediately after getting your diploma or degree with a manager title?  Unless your father owns the business, it is just a fantasy.

5.    Working with your hands or a job that pays peanuts is not beneath your dignity.  In the days of your parents, choices were limited and any job was seen as an opportunity.  It could always lead to something better!  Sitting at home and freeloading on your parents waiting for the right job is downright moronic.

6.    You may hate school but learn to speak and write well to express yourself with clarity and lucidity.  You may be a genius with an IQ of 140 and above but if you are unable to express an idea verbally or in writing, it dies with you.  

7.    Remember all the proclamations you make for your independence?

“I’m old enough to know what I’m doing”

“It’s my life, don’t bother me”

Yes, it is your life.  Many times we forget that the good comes with the bad.  If you screw up, do not blame your parents. It is not their fault. You ask for your independence. Freedom comes with responsibilities.  The responsibility to live your life as an adult.
   
8.    There is no school holiday or a university term or semester break of 8 weeks in your working life.  You are expected to show up daily for work.  A grinding 8 hours a day, 5 days a week from 9 am to 5 pm. Very few jobs foster personal growth and self-actualisation.  It is not a school or a university where you can refresh!

9.    Before you came into this world, your parents had a life and were not “boring” as they seemed to you.  They have morphed into “boring” because they have to pay the bills for your upkeep and your shiny new iPhone, not to mention also clean up after your mess.  Along the way, somehow their lives have become servitude to your life! 

10.    Learned child psychologists and educators preached that winners and losers should be abolished in the school system in order not to hurt any child’s feelings and self-esteem.  Life has no qualms over such niceties!  In the real world, results are just as important as the effort expended.

11.    A television sitcom or a serial Hong Kong soap opera is not real life.  In real life people still have to go to their routine and sometimes mundane job to eke out a living.  People you know also do not behave the way as what you see in the idiot box.

12.    Be nice and courteous to every person you come into contact with, be them jocks, nerds or eggheads for you may one day find yourself working for them.

13.    Smoking may make you look hip and cool.  Advisories from your parents and healthcare providers nag you to stop but in vain.  Remember, you will still have to stop one day either voluntarily or you have been given 9 months of life left to live!

14.    Raging hormones make you feel like superman or superwoman on top of the world.  You are not immortal.  You are still flesh and blood.  Living in the fast lane may cause your premature demise.

15.    Enjoy your youth and the carefree years.  Your parents may be a pain and school is a big bother and life confusing but you will never be able to live this period of your life again.

FAILURE THE MOTHER OF SUCCESS - A CLICHÉ?

What if I have failed?
When it looks like I have failed…
What does it mean or what does it not mean?

Failure does not mean I am a failure.
It does mean I have not yet succeeded.

Failure does not mean I have accomplished nothing.
It does mean I have learned something.
“Something” like not to go down the same path I have just taken.

Failure does not mean I have been a fool to try.
It does mean I have faith in my convictions and the guts to experiment.

Failure does not mean I have been disgraced.
It does mean I dared to try when everyone says it is “impossible”.

Failure does not mean I am wrong.
It does mean I have done it in a different way.

Failure does not mean I am inferior.
It does mean I am not perfect and just as human as the next person.

Failure does not mean I should give up.
It does mean I should try harder and not give up.

All who succeed have tasted failure. Famous personalities like Thomas Edison and Albert Einstein had tasted failure before succeeding. What did they do when they failed? They just shrugged it off and moved on.

Those who have not tasted failure means they have not lived life on the edge. They have not pushed and stretched their god-given capabilities and abilities to the limit. They have yet to discover their hidden innate talents. And not forgetting, it is FUN to fail! Why? We can always reminiscence and laugh over all the silly bloopers we have made. That’s what make us human!

That’s Life!

Nature or Nurture?

The Sober View

How many of you have heard of the great “Nature or Nurture” debate? If you have big beautiful eyes like your mother or jet black hair like your father, science recognised that these physical attributes are hereditary. These are from your genes. However, if you have a voice that take you to the top in “American Idol” or an acting talent that make you a Hollywood star, where did these talents come from? While it is quite established that physical characteristics are hereditary, the genetic footprint gets a bit murky when it comes to a person's behaviour, intelligence and personality.

It is an age-old argument of how much of what we are is shaped by Nature i.e. our DNA and how much is determined by our life experiences or Nurture. Even though scientists agree that nature endows us with inborn abilities and traits; nurture takes these genetic tendencies and molds them as we learn and mature, it seems this debate rages on without respite. You may ask what this fuss is all about.

The implications may be consequential in how we view and understand a person’s behaviour. If there are “behavioural genes” encoded in us, arguments could be put forth that we are not in control of our actions or behaviour. It can be used to justify criminal acts or a pre-disposition to violence and even a person’s sexual orientation. So, the debate continues fiercely – “Were we born that way?”

The Lighter Side

HOW MUCH OF WHAT YOU ARE, ARE SHAPED BY THINGS ONLY A MOM CAN TEACH YOU……….

My Mother taught me about:

ANTICIPATION: "Just wait until your father gets home."

RECEIVING: "You are going to get it when we get home!"

SEX: "How do you think you got here?"

GENETICS: "You're just like your father."

MY ROOTS: "Do you think you were born in a barn?"

WISDOM OF AGE: "When you get to be my age, you will understand."

JUSTICE: "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you. Then you'll see what it's like."

TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

CONTORTIONISM: "Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

STAMINA: "You'll sit there until all that spinach is finished."

WEATHER: "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

HYPOCRISY: "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times: Don't Exaggerate!!!"

ENVY: "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION: "Stop acting like your father!"

THE SCIENCE OF OSMOSIS: "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My Mother taught me to:

MEET A CHALLENGE: "What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you... Don't talk back to me!"

THINK AHEAD: "If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."

My mother taught me:

LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why."

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

MEDICAL SCIENCE: "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

ESP: "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"

THE CIRCLE OF LIFE: "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

HUMOUR: "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

RELIGION: "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

FORESIGHT: "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

IRONY: "Keep crying and I'll *give* you something to cry about."

My Mother taught me how to:

BECOME AN ADULT: "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

SOLVE PHYSICS PROBLEMS: "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?